


Bad Day

by LynHaundend



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Professor Logan Sanders, Remy Sanders implied, negative thinking, patton sanders mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26854093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynHaundend/pseuds/LynHaundend
Summary: Virgil starts to spiraling down in school.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18
Collections: Lyn's Fictober 2020





	Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

> Fictober 2020  
> Day 4:  
> “unacceptable, try again”
> 
> If I left out any triggers please let me know.

_ One, two, three, in.  _

_ Thisisn’tworking, thisisn’tworking.  _

_ One, two, three, out. _

_ You’re not even doing it right. _

_ One, two, three, in. _

_ I’m doing what I can, shut the fuck up. _

_ One, two, three, out. _

_ I just gotta pass through this. _

If there was someone with the ability to read minds out there. They would think he was insane. Talking back to his anxiety wasn’t his preferred grounding method. But sometimes it was a little bitch that had to shout up. Words of his therapist, not his. He was right, tho. Not that Virgil would never tell him to his face his ego was already big enough as it was.

_ One, two, three, in. _

_ You know that this isn’t even calming you down. You are just wasting time. _

_ One, two, three, OUT. _

_ It’s okay to take time to calm down. It isn’t like I would have been much productive otherwise. _

He knew since the moment he woke up. It was a shitty day. He had avoided coffee, he took the bus with calming music on his headphones and floated through the school day not really paying attention and scrolling on Tumblr.

_ One, two, three, in. _

_ You wasted the whole school day. Why did you even bother to wake up in the morning? _

_ One, two, three, out. _

Virgil hated when his anxiety made good points. Still, he couldn’t just have stayed home. Staying would mean talking with his parents about it and, well, that would never happen anytime soon. They would understand and it would make everything worst

.

_ You ain’t getting any better, you know? Look at you now. _

_ ONE, TWO, THREE, IN. _

That was a big lie and he had to remember it. Sure, he was in his biology test and he hadn’t written a thing, but it wasn’t like he could have do something instead of focusing on his breathing. His head was fuzzy, he knew the answers but trying to thing made everything worst. “The best way to fight brain fog is don’t, hon” The, annoying, answer from his therapist came back to him to reassure him. He had explained to him that it was like your brain going on overload, he could do things to prevent it but once it had started the only thing he could do was wait it out. The web sites where he investigated it after that frustrating exchange had told him the same,

_ He’s gonna hate you, you know? He’s the only professor that still has faith in you and you are gonna disappoint him. _

Well, that hit a nerve and he wasn’t able to keep up with the simple breathing pattern.

_ You are gonna explode in front of the whole class, they all are gonna see you cry, you are gonna have a panic attack and won’t be able to come back. You are gonna explode in front of the whole class, they all are gonna see you cry, you are gonna have a panic attack and won’t be able to come back. You are gonna explode in front of the whole class, they all are gonna see you cry, you are gonna have a panic attack and won’t be able to come back. You are gonna explode in front of the whole class, they all are gonna see you cry, you are gonna have a panic attack and won’t be able to come back. _

He needed to regain control soon before it was too late. Think, think, think. It would be easier if his brain were actually working. He tried to dig his nails in his palms and remember that his past self had cut them that morning not wanting to risk a situation like this. That bastard. He shuffled in his seat and accidentally kicked his water bottle causing his professor and some of his classmates to look at him. Just what he needed right now, attention... and water. Water could help and if not, at least he would be hydrated. The way his day was going he would definitely need it. He reached for the bottle and started drinking while doodling on his empty notebook. Luckily that would give him something else to focus on.

The bell rang sooner than he had expected and in no time everyone was gone. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Berry, I couldn’t do it” He mumbled leaving the blank page on his desk.

Mr. Berry frowned looking at him and the empty paper.

“I don’t understand,” Mr. Berry told him, before he could go away. “is everything alright Virgil?” he inquired with concern laced in his voice.

Virgil winced and felt his mouth go dry.

“I- Yeah, I’m fine. I just didn’t study enough...”

“Unacceptable, try again” The other cut dryly. 

“I’m sorry?” he asked taken aback and feeling his anxiety pick again.

His professor sighed, setting down and indicating Virgil to do the same.

“What I mean,” he explained fixing his glasses over his nose “is that you are an excellent student so the possibilities of you not studying and/or not knowing any of the answers are infinitesimal. If you are gonna lie about it, at least make it believable. ”

Virgil opened and closed his mouth gaping like a fish out of the water. What was he supposed to answer to that?

“I... I’m sorry, sir” he tried taking an interest on his cracked nail polish so Mr. Berry wouldn’t see the tears forming in his eyes.

He heard the other hum.

“Virgil, you keep saying that you are sorry, but I have yet to understand  _ what  _ you are sorry for.” a moment of silence passed and he didn’t know what to say. Mostly because he wasn’t sure why he was sorry. His professor sighed again. “I have a proposition for you.” he told him softly, “I noticed you a little more pale than usual and you look a little dizzy. You don’t have to tell me what is happening if you don’t want to, but I can write a note excusing you for your last class of the day saying that your blood pressure has dropped.” Virgil jerked his eyes up, not believing his ears. “I’m sure that nurse Patton would gladly give you something to eat and leave you to rest. Would that be agreeable?” He noded and Mr. Berry lose no time scribbling a note and passing it to him. “Please consider talking to me if you need so in the future and we’ll discuss what can be done about your exam tomorrow”

Virgil left with a soft thank you and hurry to the infirmary having reached his socialization limit of the day.

But maybe, just maybe, his day could get a little better after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Please take into consideration that this is based on my personal experience with anxiety and my coping mechanisms.  
> -The breathing exercise isn't the usual 4-7-8 because I usually I'm too worked up to maintain it so I try to just keep a steady breathing.  
> -Talking back to your anxiety is a method that I picked up from a post in the site 7cups.com which is a safe environment to talk about mental health issues in groups or one on one with active listeners.  
> \- Brain fog is a bitch but I found the term searching on the internet and trying to figure out what was happening so I'm not very reliable.  
> \- I have no idea why, but drinking water always helps me to calm down. It is also is good to drink lots of water when you cry so your head won't hurt later.
> 
> Stay safe ♥  
> \-------------------
> 
> This one-shot is part of the Fictober Event on Tumblr!  
> https://fictober-event.tumblr.com/post/628547358001594368/fictober-event-the-prompts-for-2020


End file.
